no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
They took my balls.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize