proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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