At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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