Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
