They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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