hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
