If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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