she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I need moral support for this bender
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
