please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
