friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
