I can text with my tongue
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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