Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
