wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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