Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
