Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
