So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize