all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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