Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
