We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
