we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
