farters have to be the big spoon...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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