Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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