You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
