The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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