This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
