What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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