sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize