Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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