Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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