I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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