I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
