would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
