I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
