just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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