I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
