he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
