Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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