I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
