why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
