I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
