i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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