He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
well you can't waste a boner
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
