i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
