idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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