I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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