yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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