A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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