You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
