The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
