does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
