My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I touched a dick in church today
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
