i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
