Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
