You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
