Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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