$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
