remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
