I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
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