You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
