Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
