I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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