I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
