I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
