Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
