i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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