Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
