Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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