You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
